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alhana Auditor | joined 01 June 2006 | 91 posts

Best character posted 01 June 2006 in The Darkness That Comes BeforeBest character by alhana, Auditor

Esmi and Serwe~
As a woman, I always enjoy reading the stories of other women. This book has intruiged me as I have read about these women not only as they see themselves, but as the male characters see them and interact with them. All of this is even more fascinating when considered from the standpoint of the author of these thoughts also being a man.

I think the endearing and even heartbreaking parts are to read about the power of these women have through their souls and bodies, even when they are in complete submission. In discussing this with a male friend, I pointed out that when one has no rights, one's body and sex becomes the last protection of one's position, even when that is taken forceably. Utilizing their bodies and their feminine mystic, they shape the lives of the men in their world and ensuring their own survival as well as pull unseen strings of power that many of the men never see. Only Kellhus is completely aware of the power of Serwe, even though he eventually conceeds to engage her, for other unknown reasons at this point in the story.

The parts about the women in this book reminds me in many ways of Memoirs of a Geisha that I read last December; that author was also male but was able to capture the essence of being a woman and the experience of female within a pre-dominately male ruled society. view post

The Hangover Whinge: Why oh Why? + A Misery Poll posted 26 June 2006 in Off-Topic DiscussionThe Hangover Whinge: Why oh Why? + A Misery Poll by alhana, Auditor

I will have to agree that tequila is the most vile. It must be something in the cactus they brew. I have heard however, that most of the tequile north of the border is also not very pure and maybe that accounts for all of us "los nortes" getting so violently ill.

I personally get very sick on any gin drinks, not the barf kind of sick but the instant headache sick due to being allegeric to juniper.

Other than that, yes.....mixing liqueors is very very wretched. So is not eating anything all day or being dehydrated before drinking spirits. Many of my females friends and I will avoid consuming calories before going out drinking thinking that we can fend off the dreaded "beer belly" only to find that our self-imposed-temporary-anorexia actually makes us sicker in the morning. view post

Gophers... posted 26 June 2006 in Off-Topic DiscussionGophers... by alhana, Auditor

Is your obssession with that furry little critter that burrows in our lawns and eats vegetables? Kind of like a mole?

Or are you taking about the "gopher" delivery person? view post

measure is unceasing posted 26 June 2006 in Off-Topic Discussionmeasure is unceasing by alhana, Auditor

Thank you for your candor about your life experience. Wonderful tattoo! I have previously favored the Tolkien elvish script, but this tibetian font is inspiring also. Blessings of wellness and abundance to you in your cancer free future! view post

Gophers... posted 27 June 2006 in Off-Topic DiscussionGophers... by alhana, Auditor

Would your obession with this small furry animal be a fetish, as in the "furry fetish" variety type or just the fascination of the classic "Caddyshack" type?

I jest. These small animals used to vex my father's farm when I was a young girl and the Irrigation Authorities would pay us for ...prove of their the form of their tails. However, when one turned up about a month ago in our front lawn, in the city limits, and my children and I had quite a fun time watching him. view post

Transhumanism and Genetic Engineering posted 30 June 2006 in Philosophy DiscussionTranshumanism and Genetic Engineering by alhana, Auditor

I vote no, for several reasons.

First of all, how can we say that the natural evoluation of the human gene line is "harmful" or "bad"? If we overtreat any disease, whether is it a simple virual infection or a severe genetic deformity, we limit the human gene line (I mean the larger gene line related by generation upon generation) from sponteously mutating and becoming stronger to resist that disease. While I am not against seeking treatment for a disease or illness, I am against any outside-man-made-genetic-tampering in the name of "health".

Secondly, as mentioned above, genetic amnormalies and diseases are nature's way of "selection". The strong survive, the weak do not. This happens already with "fertility" treament. If one cannot bear children naturally, rather than adopt the thousands of unwanted children of the world, one can have the local OBGYN take sperm and egg, either from that couple or someone else and make the female of the couple pregnant. When it is a case of donor egg and sperm, then it is actually better because it has already been screened for imperfections. When a couple insists that they must use their own genetic material, then they are tampering with nature. Maybe there is a REASON they SHOULD not conceive. In the simple handling of the tiny egg/sperm combo, there is also the possibility of damaging occurring. There are enough people on the earth. Many people also lose young children to disease or deformity. This happened in my own family. Rather than fighting Nature to "save" the child, accept what is and celebrate the life that is/was.

Let nature take its course, whether through infertility or disease or whatever. If a deformed person is to survive, then he/she will. In ancient cultures, those who were born with a specific deformaty were sometimes worshipped and though the physical body was weak, the mind and spiritual body was strong. We should not look upon those are genetically different as being "bad" and seek to erradicate our gene structure for these impurities. Most of the time, these ammonilies are random and there is nothing that can be done to prevent them anyway.

Finally, when we remove the "imperfections" from our cultural, we remove the opportunity to express compassion and we limit the value of the human being to the some total of it's "gifts" or "perfections." A great movie that dealt with this very issue was "Gattica." Though the plot line was predictable, it gave a look to the future if we as a society allow genetic research to continue unchecked. Additionally, when we "enhance" human performance we may limit other abilities from naturally enhancing. Mankind continues to grow taller every generation indicating that so far in human history, those who have strength and height have strengthened the overall gene pool of all. Why rush this process and "make" super humans?

The larger question is "Who decides what is appropriate uses of this technology?" I recognize that genetic engineering is already happening on both the human gene strain and other strains of both plants and animals. However, we condemn ourselves to the eventual creation of a monster when we step into the shoes of Creator/Unverisal Source/Mother Nature. view post

sranc posted 08 July 2006 in The Darkness That Comes Beforesranc by alhana, Auditor

After reading DCB and about half of WP, I think I see these creatures as an orc mostly, but not the greenish kind depicted in some fantasy genres, but more of the wolvish type. I can see the similarities to werewolves, but I picture werewolves as much taller than the sranc when they stand on their back legs and more strong. These little buggers do seem to be shorter but still stocky lot, hairy and dog like, but very decidedly humanoid. view post

Drugs posted 08 July 2006 in Philosophy DiscussionDrugs by alhana, Auditor

Hmmm I personally have not taken any illegal aka street drugs, but I have seen the disasterous effect on other people, probably because my job often interesects with those who have are in the most desperate times of their lives.

I do consume both caffeine and alcohol on a regular basis. I find that without caffeine, it is almost impossible to even have the desire to get dressed some days. Alcohol is my bossum sister when I feel great and definately brings out the FLIRT in me, but she can also be a bitch when I down and mad at the world. I run back because she eventually makes me sleepy when I am really fried and need an "internal vacation." I have had some really really bad experiences on some prescription drugs....Dimerall makes me wretch and I refuse to take anything stronger than Tylenol or Advil for pain as I have a VERY high pain threshold so I have to take almost twice the dose of prescription pain medication to knock out my pain....and then I am drooling on myself and unable to function.

I agree with the above observation that ALL drugs work with each individual's body chemistry in a unique way. Even alcohol hits each individual differently as each alcohol is distilled from different plants and herbs. One thing that hasn't not be mentioned yet is that the body also has CHEMICALS which react differently to foreign chemicals ingested. Self-medicating with caffeine, alcohol, pot, meth, opiates is very much under-represented in any understanding of mind altering chemicals. Perhaps people who feel more creative when high really are more focused because their "un-medicated" brain is missing key chemicals that other people have. The natural levels of seretonin (calming hormone) can be elvated with chemicals, as well as dophamine (feel good hormone). Even adrenaline can be absent leaving one feeling blah or "stuck open" leaving one feeling tense. From simple herbs like chamomile and kava root to poppies, tobacco, and mushrooms or even man-made cocktails like meth and heroine or prescription drugs, we humans find ways to balance this "holy trinity" of emotional hormones to achieve relaxation, creativity, or even pleasure.

I personally have loosened my own beliefs about the use of substances as I have grown to understand that not every Starbucks addict is sane and not every pot-head is insane <!-- s:D --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- s:D --> . I look forward to experiencing better living through chemistry in my future. view post

Modern Soldiers posted 08 July 2006 in Philosophy DiscussionModern Soldiers by alhana, Auditor

Those who have the most right to brag, rarely do so.

My father was DRAFTED to Viet Nam. He was a college graduate, but from a very poor farmer family. He didn't have the connections to get him out of the country or to get him a desireable assignment. He is flat footed (makes his feet weak for marching) and legally blind in his right eye (he can't fire at a target for shit). If he had been alive during WWII, they would not have even let him volunteer to fight. However, he is a humble man. He never bragged about his service, he was not proud of being involved in that conflict. Yet, it made him stronger. He always hated guns and he doesn't even hunt. They tried to make him an officer, but he washed out of OT, which actually saved his life, as 2nd Lt. had the highest causality rate of all officers. Another stroke of good fortune that saved him from the Insanity of the Jungle was that they needed a clerk and because he had been to college, they traded his gun for typewriter when he landed in Nam. He got to live out the horrors of this war by typing field records, death certificates, and family notifications.

This gentle man came home from Viet Nam and landed in California in 1969. He did not kill a single person in Viet Nam. He didn't even want to be there. Yet after getting off the plane in San Diego, he had to ride the bus to Northern California to meet his fiance in San Fransico. A woman sat next to him on the whole trip and cursed at him, calling him a baby killer and a rapist. He said nothing as he rode, knowing that this woman was venting her own anger at something she did not understand.

He courted my mother by letters that crossed the Pacific Ocean. He only speaks of these things when I ask and even then he is still guarded. He cried about this once in public, when my brother took him to see the Traveling Wall Monument. He has never taken any of the discounts or benefits he could get as a veteren. I think he would rather forget about the inhumanity of this war than require others to acknowledge his sacrifice by giving him discounts and acolades. I think that our servicemen and women deserve our respect and I think we are much better about giving them appreciation for what they do. But those who have to ask and make a point of their &quot;service&quot; make light of those who truly deserve and do not ask. view post

sranc posted 08 July 2006 in The Darkness That Comes Beforesranc by alhana, Auditor

Maybe things that are feral always seem hairy to me. Not shaggy hairy, but definately not clean shaved. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> view post

ignorance or enlightenment ? posted 13 July 2006 in Philosophy Discussionignorance or enlightenment ? by alhana, Auditor

I would rather not despair for my enlightenment. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> But I can not imagine ever being so complacent that I no longer understood or concerned myself with the afflicitions of others. To be completely ignorant of humanity's fralities would almost be sub-human......or non-human....primative on the level of the animal mind. Or perhaps it would be like having the mind of a machine--completely detached from the reality of suffering and seeing only the data that marks the existence of the human race. view post

Gaming? posted 17 July 2006 in Off-Topic DiscussionGaming? by alhana, Auditor

I played D&amp;D (now on 3 Add.) which lead to Everquest. I tried out Baulder's Gate (D&amp;D for PC), but I prefer the online nature of MMORPGs. I beta tested World of Warcraft and didn't look back..started playing WoW when it went live in Nov. 04 and left EQ. I find I can only dedicate time and money for one online subscription game.

Now that my kids are getting old enough, we have discovered some great table top games that are easier than D&amp;D but have great replay value. Our favorites are Heroscape (can find it at most retail stores like Wal-Mart, K-Mart, etc. or order online) and Pirates! (table top, build your own ship, game in a package from WizKids).

I play in spurts, both table top and RPG online. I have found that WoW has not been the 'grind' that was EQ. At first, Blizzard seem to have the fan concept that responded more to the consumers and their suggestions. Lately, however, I am sad to say that Blizzard Customer Support has been lacking and they have gone the way of most entertainment gaming companies with their Developers sacrificing content for what makes money, not what their fans are asking for. Though Blizzard is on the leading edge of fan-based input, they have given up a little of what they had in the &quot;golden days&quot; when the game first came out. No game is perfect I realize and this is only my opinion, the amaeuter that I am.

I am looking forward to trying out Warhammer next year, depending on what my gaming friends do. I think I am about due for a computer upgrade as well...since Warhammer seems to be demanding much more for system requirements than what I am currently running. Of computer is about 5 years old too..... <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> The story concepts look good, the replay value seems high and the content/reward for time invested seems good also. view post

Esmet's betrayl, Bakker's massogeny, and a criticism posted 19 July 2006 in The Warrior ProphetEsmet's betrayl, Bakker's massogeny, and a criticism by alhana, Auditor

If I was living in the Three Seas, I just might be a whore too. It is a hard place to live. This is not about what the woman could or couldn't was about what she MUST do. Yes she is weak and seemingly betrays the latest lover to take up the next strongest guy that comes along for security, but so does every woman. You only need to look around at the majority of the women who inhabit the news or even your neighborhoods to see that every woman is looking for security as every man is looking for adoration. This scene is played out by every woman who stays with an abusive or degenerate man just because he is security. Even when the woman is supporting said slacker who lays passed out on the couch from whatever vile potion he consumed, she will still stay because to leave him would to be to give up on her dream of finding Prince Charming behind the Toad she first kissed and to step out into the terrifying concrete jungle alone.

If Bakker is writing about his critique of every woman, then he is also writing about every man...the eternal lust for power and war and to dominate the women in his path and to overcome the perceived weakness of himself. Again, look only as far as today's headlines to see every manner of man conquering some foe, whether on a field of war or of sport. From the Emperor to Akka, you can see the self doubt that every man longs to have resolved for him, either by his accomplishments or his woman or lover...his prize. Maybe also he even touches on a homosexual fantasy that many men fear, that in even the sexual preference there might be a weakness.

You have missed the scope of Bakker's writing.....yes, he writes of himself but he also places all of humanity into his reflections of himself. view post

Gaming? posted 21 July 2006 in Off-Topic DiscussionGaming? by alhana, Auditor

Oh yeah..I forgot my funny story. Back in the day, I was playing a half-elf thief and there was an orge magi in the group. Part of the fun of playing as adults is drinking and doing shots. As the night progress both the magi and I were quite buzzed and flirting with each other, all in role-play of course! We were fighting some huge She-Lobe spider thing that could turn you to stone. My thief used her hide skill, snuck in behind her and climbed the wall to imploy some type of a net-trap. She was engaging the party and didn't see me until I dropped down from the wall and failed my silent fall skill. She whirled around and turned me into stone. The magi started laughing and the guys started joking about having a stone sex slave. He finally used some oil of stone to flesh on me, restoring all but the breasts to flesh! For the rest of her days, my thief had stone breasts <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> view post

Esmet's betrayl, Bakker's massogeny, and a criticism posted 24 July 2006 in The Warrior ProphetEsmet's betrayl, Bakker's massogeny, and a criticism by alhana, Auditor

Huzzah to ressurecting old posts! I am new to the series, so the posts are all new to me!

As a female reader, I find nothing offensive about Bakker's references to the female characters or to his references to phallic symbols. Maybe I am just to navie to get worked up over a few penises.

I second the notion that one can focus on selected passages of any book and miss the whole story. In fact, I think we all know of &quot;holy scriptures&quot; of any world sect that has been &quot;mis-quoted&quot; and &quot;taken out of context&quot; to prompt a social view or prove a point of sin.

I suppose if one took this analogy far enough, one could find examples of &quot;he-man woman hating&quot; and &quot;homoerotic references&quot; in primer books for children. &quot;Oh look, Dick is holding a stick. This author must be making a homosexual reference&quot; &quot;Oh Jane fell down and hurt her knee. This author must be saying that girls are weak and cry all the time.&quot;

It takes a small brain to get stuck on the words on the page. Elite readers appreciated skillful writing and can see the whole story for all of the glorious details. view post

Akka's Magical! posted 26 July 2006 in Author Q &amp; AAkka's Magical! by alhana, Auditor

I would agree that there are better examples of Seswatha &quot;possessing&quot; Akka, primarily when he is imprisoned. But could be a good example of another instance where perhaps the being inside of Akka's dreams comes out in his waking life. view post

AMERICAN POLITICS... posted 27 July 2006 in Philosophy DiscussionAMERICAN POLITICS... by alhana, Auditor

Huzzah for ressurecting old posts!!

I am an independant voter. I have never registered with any political party because 1) in BFE it is completely pointless to be anything other than a Donkey or an Elephant 2) the party system is broken and was never intended to &quot;run&quot; the government of the US. I vote any and all canidates I chose regardless of political party. If I am anything, I am conservative liberal or a liberal conservative; I am a moderate who wants her Constitution to be free from political bull shit and party mucky muck. I am a deeply spiritual person but I find that the &quot;religious issues&quot; focus on all the wrong issues ie, right-to-life folks usually support the death penality and but not the quality of life of the baby they save. People who want to &quot;save families from abuse&quot; do not support a living wage or giving people real life skills rather than handouts.

These are difficult times to vote the decisions that effect not only our futures and the futures of our children, but also the future of the global village where we all reside. view post

NLP posted 31 July 2006 in Philosophy DiscussionNLP by alhana, Auditor

Very intruging bit of information. On the surface, however, it really appears to be nothing more that good psychology. The disciplined mind that is able to affect cognitive change in those that one comes in contact with sounds a lot like Cognitive-Behavior Modification 101 to me. Intuition and the ability to use verbal communication to effect behavioral change is really not that new. Some people seem to have a natural gift for it and they often are people who have had little or no formal training. With formal training, a specialist can make thousands of dollars in teaching others to change not only their own &quot;stinking thinking&quot; but manipulate those around them in order to avoid chemical dependency relapse, overcome phobias, or even lose weight.

There are a number of in-depth trauma therapies, such as Eye Movement and Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) that utilize both verbal cues as well as external stimulus of the brain (sound, eye movement, and touch) to &quot;reprocess&quot; the bad memories that get stuck in the brain causing nasty flash backs, blackouts, and even violent aggressive reactions to confrontation. EMDR has been well funded research for &quot;curing&quot; soldiers of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and the long-term studies have shown amazing results in reducing or eliminating both physilogical and psychological effects of trauma. To be able to help a person recover from such a daily devastation of nightmares and uncontrolable panic attacks without the aid of medication is almost a miracle in itself.

It seems that NLP is a modality that can be use by anyone anywhere, preferably with a &quot;healthy&quot; brain to affect daily manipulations of one's social environment. Of course the scope of claims of NLP being able affect the experience &quot;parapsychological phenomena such as ESP&quot; or affecting &quot;body and lifestyle change such as breast enlargement and finding sexual partners&quot; might be on the outer reaches of mind/body connection. Given the fact that the brain is the most studied organ that we know the least about in terms of HOW it does what it does, anything is possible. view post

Kellhus, Achamiam, and Emotion posted 31 July 2006 in The Warrior ProphetKellhus, Achamiam, and Emotion by alhana, Auditor

I know I am posting about an old topic here, but, I am not sure that &quot;sociopath&quot; is the way I would describe Kellhus. By your defination, even Martin Luther, William Wallace, and Martin Luther King would all be &quot;sociopaths&quot;. All of them stood against the rules and &quot;morals&quot; of their socities at the time they rallied supporters about them to make significant social changes.

I think, after finishing WP and waiting for TTT (it better come tomorrow!), I think that Kellhus stands outside of the society in which he finds himself. He was not born into the world of Conphas and Proyas and Akka and Esmi. He is not WORLD born, he is from a society that secluded itself from the rest of Earwe. Though I have a theory about what TTT will reveal, I believe that he is human but, as it was stated before, he has been conditioned and genetically engineered through selective breeding and cultivated from the womb to stand outside of all else and see The Darkness and The Logos and to walk where it leads him. Those who follow their destiny and their visions rarely appear sane; it is only after their life's work is measured against their vision that the rest of the world can see that they followed a path of brillance. view post

Favorite books/series posted 01 August 2006 in Literature DiscussionFavorite books/series by alhana, Auditor

I thoroughly enjoyed The Shannara series. I haven't read them in a while, but I found they were not as epic as Tolkien. They were easy to read, but I think my reading has matured a little. Call me an elite reader snob!!! view post

Your Response To the PoN posted 03 August 2006 in General AnnouncementsYour Response To the PoN by alhana, Auditor

R. Scott Bakker has written a series that captivated my attention, transported my imagination, challenged my perception, and then delivered my mind back to reality. He is gifted at building a world with religions, politics, struggles, and philosophies that seem familiar to human history but whisper the constrast of exotic differences. His characters are often both breath-takingly tragic and heroically real. This should become a new standard in the list of epic fantasy. view post

Favorite books/series posted 04 August 2006 in Literature DiscussionFavorite books/series by alhana, Auditor

I have been watching the Anita Blake novels in a sci-fi book club mailing I get. They sound decadently evil. So many little time <!-- s:cry: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_cry.gif" alt=":cry:" title="Crying or Very sad" /><!-- s:cry: --> view post

What would you say are the must-reads of literature? posted 04 August 2006 in Literature DiscussionWhat would you say are the must-reads of literature? by alhana, Auditor

I believe that C.S. Lewis's Narnia books were written for his step-son Douglas, who ended up backing the Disney release of the movie last Christmas. They were indeed aimed at children, but they endure as loved by adults as well. U.S. children might have some difficulty as a good portion of the books have references to words and phrases used in the UK.

Tolkien, on the other hand, is very complex story. The Hobbit is the easiest of all to read, but all of them still have detailed discourses and poems and other elements that might be a little challenging for some students younger than 14. When one begins to study the other books of history and lanuages that Tolkien used in his work, there is a much broader base of information to read and disseminate. Again, I believe that Tolkien appeals to readers of all ages and can be enjoyed over and over as one learns about the world that he created.

It strikes me that few books written today are both appealing to children and adults. The closest thing I have seen would be Rawling's Harry Potter series. While a lot of folks have ranckled that her writing is too simple and her series is not to be taken seriously by adults, I disagree. I have read all 6 of her books along with my young reader and after Book 4 Goblet of Fire, the series became decidedly more mature. Like Lewis, her books are aimed at young readers, but have elementals of grief and lose and falling in love and overcoming great challenges that appeals to adults. The best thing that has come out of this series is that kids are engrossed in a really good book and are reading again. The last two summers that she released books, the hospitals in certain neighborhoods in England reported almost a 100% drop in &quot;kid&quot; related ER visits the weekends before and after her book was released! The kids were all inside reading!!!!! Not exactly &quot;hard evidence&quot; but it does seem that a good book can still transport even the minds of a generation that has grown up on Ninetendo and Xbox. view post

Why read fantasy? posted 08 August 2006 in Literature DiscussionWhy read fantasy? by alhana, Auditor

I have always loved books and magical things captivated my interest at a young age--when I wasn't playing cowboys and indians! I read The Chronicles of Narnia in 5th and 6th grade...a long long time ago!!! Then it was onto Tolkien in High School and on and on and on.

I continue to read fantasy today, because as one of my favorite bumper stickers says, &quot;Reality is for those who have no imagination!&quot; view post

War in Lebanon posted 09 August 2006 in Philosophy DiscussionWar in Lebanon by alhana, Auditor

I am not an expert on Middle-Eastern Politics, but I think that the US backed Israel just as much, if not more than England did in creating a Jewish State.

Additionally, England's colonization had almost nothing to do with the current condition of Middle-Eastern politics. This place has a blood freud that pre-dates the times of Jesus Christ, before England was even a country.....or the US....or really of the &quot;so called&quot; super powers of the UN today. The land that Palastine and Israel and Iraq and Iran all sit on have been in conflicts and struggles since almost the beginning of written history.

There are also factions of the &quot;religious right&quot; in the US who believe that it is the &quot;god-given&quot; responsibility of the US to back Israel as they believe that it is written in Scripture that the US will be involved in Armagedon. In essence, many present day Christians (meaning both Catholics and Protestants) believe that at the end of the world a country from the West (most today think this will be the US) will be involved in a God Ordained Battle of the Ages. It is laughable at best that the UN or anyone thinks that any kind of &quot;Western intervention&quot; will settle this age old dispute, though many believe the West SHOULD be involved for religious and scriptural reasons.

I personally believe that it is not for me to worry about. Whether or not the US is involved, there will be war in the Middle East until the people who live there are tired of fighting. view post

Will Esmi Cause Mandati/Warrior-Prophet Drama? posted 21 August 2006 in The Thousandfold ThoughtWill Esmi Cause Mandati/Warrior-Prophet Drama? by alhana, Auditor

After reading half of TTT, I am beginning to take back all the nice things I said about Esmi previously. I wanted to believe that she was not the object of Bakker's female bashing and I still want to believe that she made the best choice when she chooses to stay with Kellhus, but I am also disappointed in her.

Though she would have died if she had stayed outside of Kellhus' camp, she could have joined Kellhus and Serwe but NOT had sex with them. I know she is a whore and all, but where is the redemption? Even though she has risen in status as Kellhus' advisor/wife/mother of his future children, she continues to act the whore....never faithful. As a professional of human behavior, I tried to excuse her actions because of her own incestual upbringing and her wicked father and the on-going trauma of her life. But even then, I couldn't. I could say that she was simply a victim of a very powerful man (Kellhus seems to make everyone like him until they are enlightened) and many many people have been enticed by Kellhus' ammorality. But even as she begins to realize that Akka is not weak, that Kellhus' is just using her as he does with everyone, and that adornation and devotion are not the as as unconditional romantic love, she still stays with Kellhus instead of returning to Akka. I suppose that just like others, by the time she perceives Kellhus' true intentions, she can't leave.

I still believe that Bakker is not bashing on women but rather Esmi is just one part of the story. She is a whore and she remains unfaithful because that is the role in the story she must play. Without weakness, we are not truly human and without our sins, there is no grace. I am hoping that in 20 years she redeems herself. view post

Will Esmi Cause Mandati/Warrior-Prophet Drama? posted 21 August 2006 in The Thousandfold ThoughtWill Esmi Cause Mandati/Warrior-Prophet Drama? by alhana, Auditor

I do not think her redemption will mean she can be Akka's wife. I know he is out of her reach, but there might be other actions she can take to make things right in the end. view post

Will Esmi Cause Mandati/Warrior-Prophet Drama? posted 22 August 2006 in The Thousandfold ThoughtWill Esmi Cause Mandati/Warrior-Prophet Drama? by alhana, Auditor

Maybe redemption was a poor choice of word.....perhaps resolution or &quot;making peace with her mistake&quot; would be a better way to describe what I meant.

She clearly betrayed Akka's love, even when she thought he was dead, she wasted no time in finding a new lover. I want there to be closure between Esmi and Akka and there never can be.

At the end of one's long life though many people &quot;make peace&quot; with their mistakes. Sometimes people die before they can work out what they would have or should have done differently.

Though her betrayal certainly gave Akka nothing to lose and in the end prompted him to stand up to Kellhus, I still wanted Esmi to be a &quot;better person&quot; and not give up on the only man who truly loved her in all of her sorided life.

I realize that this is not the kind of story that has a happy ending. <!-- s:x --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_mad.gif" alt=":x" title="Mad" /><!-- s:x -->

*****Sorry!! I editted this when I realized I didn't give an answer for the &quot;how&quot; part of the last post.**** I don't know how one redeems oneself for their past mistakes. If I did, I would be a much richer therapist for sure. I believe that perhaps as she gives birth to her child and raises that child, she might be able to teach that child what true love is. I know this won't happen as that child, especially if it is a son, will be under the all encompassing influence of Kellhus. I hope that she can at least apologize to Akka somehow and maybe she already did that when she told him &quot;You are not weak.&quot; Leaving Kellhus and going back to Akka is definately out of the question for many reasons.

Perhaps she could even just admit that she loves both men....but it seems that both our culture and the world of the Three Seas does not accept the fact that a person can love two people at one time. I think that all three people involved...Kellhus, Esmi and Akka...all know that Esmi loves both men and that she cannot stop herself from doing so. I am not sure that she should do so either; however the more she denies her love for Akka the more it festers both in her mind and in her relationship with Kellhus.

Now I am talking in circles for sure as loving two men really doesn't &quot;redeem&quot; a woman's infidelity. In the end, we can't take back our poor choices and maybe not regretting them is the best way to make peace with our past. But I suppose that only Bakker knows what path Esmi's life choices will take her next. view post

Will Esmi Cause Mandati/Warrior-Prophet Drama? posted 24 August 2006 in The Thousandfold ThoughtWill Esmi Cause Mandati/Warrior-Prophet Drama? by alhana, Auditor

Isn't it funny how we can dialouge about people who aren't even real? <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: -->

Good points on both accounts, I suppose that when the three main female characters are stacked up against each other, Esmi does come across in a more positive light. Thanks, Mahajanga and Harrol the great insight! view post

Will Esmi Cause Mandati/Warrior-Prophet Drama? posted 24 August 2006 in The Thousandfold ThoughtWill Esmi Cause Mandati/Warrior-Prophet Drama? by alhana, Auditor

Maybe that is why I want Esmi to be a better person; I see myself in her. I want to see her make better choices--to be strong enough to overcome her fears of aging and losing her beauty, to not sell herself short just because she start out her life common, to love her True Love (Akka) and not betray him, and to give her yet-born-child a good home despite the chaos around her--because I want to believe that I could make the best choices if I were in her place. She may not be a common slut, but in a sense she is still &quot;selling herself&quot; by staying with Kellhus. This time, her &quot;custom&quot; has purchased not only her body, but her soul and the life of her child for the price of prestige, a false sense of identity, and security. Even though Kellhus freed her from being a prostitute, he is using her none the less. She has power, but only as much power as Kellhus gives to her so she is still his &quot;servant&quot;.

Maybe even more, I want to believe that women can be faithful, that we can exercise self-control when it comes to sex. Sex is such a powerful tool and such an extravagant gift and when I see a female character like Esmi squander her &quot;wealth&quot;, I fear the power and gift of all women is somehow less than it was before. The value of a good woman is cheapened because we (as a society) say, &quot;Well no one is perfect, we all fail, we all lust, that is just the way it is.&quot; When women rely on men to tell them they are &quot;good enough&quot; or to define who they are by their sexual skill, then these women are not truly free.

In the end, I want Esmi to be something more than a whore because I want all women to be something more than the object of a man's affection. I want Esmi to see herself for who she really is, not who the men in her life tell her she is. I want her to be free to love who she really wants to, not just run to the next strong man who will tell her she is worth something. I thought she had that until I began to realize that Kellhus was just the next guy to use her and that Akka loved her for the person she really was. view post


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