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Please read and tell me what you think. posted 27 Oct 2005, 02:10 by Orion_metalhead, Auditor

I wrote this for an english asignment. Ill give a basic idea on what its about. The main character has already died. His/her soul has lived on until it was time for it (his/her soul) to die. Then the act of the soul dying. It may be kind of abstract but whatever. the link is here you can just reply here though so you dont have to make an account there. view post

posted 04 Nov 2005, 04:11 by Da-krul, Auditor

I thoguht it was good, abstract too be sure but well written. Thier were a few parts where the words didn't quite flow as nicely as others but they didn't take too much away from the feel of the piece. view post

posted 10 Nov 2005, 07:11 by Anonymous, Subdidact

Thanks. I wrote it for a school assignment so it still had to fit within the assignment but i tried to make it interesting. I know what you mean with certain parts didnt flow as nicely as others. Im gonna try to make some of those parts better. This was my only my first draft. which parts didnt you think flowed well? view post

posted 10 Nov 2005, 20:11 by Da-krul, Auditor

We'll I'll just quote a few spots where I thought that it didn't flow qutie right. [quote:3sceecea]Death had reached for me and had caught me in it’s cold fingers[/quote:3sceecea] Just didn't do it for me at the beginning of that paragraph [quote:3sceecea] “God,” I thought to myself, “end this torture.”[/quote:3sceecea] This being his soul diing I thoguht this really didn't fit very we'll, that might just be me but oh well [quote:3sceecea]I grew weary at watching the towers waver in and out.[/quote:3sceecea] I just didn't like this line [quote:3sceecea]I did not understand what transpired around me[/quote:3sceecea] Finnaly thier were a few spots where the person in question refrences too his body and his organs/heart. Didn't fit we'll with the whole "hes dead and this is happaning too his/her soul thing. Maybe I'm just looking into it too far though. On the whole though it was a nifty lil short story, hope the crituqing helped :) I thought that could have been worded better, too me it just didn't feel liek a great way too end the paragraph. view post

posted 15 Nov 2005, 01:11 by Anonymous, Subdidact

thanks. I see how your right about it being his soul and not having organs and whatnot. im gonna work on it a bit more and take your suggestions into consideration. view post


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