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Super Frog Candidate | joined 10 June 2005 | 17 posts


A few questions . . . posted 10 June 2005 in Author Q & AA few questions . . . by Super Frog, Candidate

I have a question about those people used in kellhus' education in human expressions. Were they Dunyain who somehow failed conditioning? Or Dunyain born with disabilities, that perhaps inbreeding caused (i.e myopia, retardation, e.t.c ...)? Or maybe people who accidently stumbled into Isuhael and had to be dealt with (and why not do so productively)? view post


Advice that works for incredibly successful authors! posted 10 June 2005 in Author Q & AAdvice that works for incredibly successful authors! by Super Frog, Candidate

I have read you lament on the fact that your work is not as successful as you would like in the United States. Luckily, you have me to set you on the yellow-brick (gold) road to financial stardom! I have read numerous highly successful authors and I have managed to divine the methods they use to propel their novels into the hands of ignorant marks, which I shall now share with you. Enjoy! <!-- s:twisted: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_twisted.gif" alt=":twisted:" title="Twisted Evil" /><!-- s:twisted: -->

1) Titles, they are important tools to sell your stuff. Now, "The Darkness that comes Before" simply does not have the wide-ranged appeal you want, it is not only too long and difficult to understand, it is a sissy title! It should be renamed "Lord of Darkness" (the "Warrior-Prophet" is fine minus the prophet part).

2) Gratuitous sex scenes! I cannot stress enough how gratuitous and frequent you need these to be! In fact, you should have authors write blurbs about just how incredibly hot your books are. Examples:

"Lord of Darkness is so hot I almost tore off all my clothes, but then I realized I didn't have to - just my pants!" - C.S Lewis

"R. Scott Bakker's sultry prose had me gasping with literary pleasure... amongst other things." - Steve Erikson

3) Plot. The story is too complex for most people to understand, revisions are neccessary.

Dunyain - Instead of Philosopher/monk/supermen make them isolated farmers who worship peace but get destroyed while Kellhus is off gathering mushrooms. Kellhus can still be physically awesome because he will be the 'chosen one' destined to kill the No-God. Oh, his sword is also magical and can talk to people.

Nonmen - Harmless forest sprites terrorized by No-God's minions.

No-God - Replace all his dialogue with diabolical laughter until the end of each book when he says "curses, foiled again!" He is now called the 'Lord of Darkness.'

Schools - Replaced by single center of magical learning called the 'White Tower'.

Followers of Fane - Evil henchmen of the No-God.

4) Characters. Most people would have you believe that cliches are actually bad things! Fortunatly, they are wrong. People will simply relate to and understand your characters better if you use classic archetypes.

Kellhus - His age is 16 and his name is now 'Lance.' Lance doesn't want to be a hero but the destruction of his village causes him to set out for revenge (melodramatic scene involving dying father). Plenty of teen angst. No longer has as much mental prowess, only physical.

Cnauir - Big barbarian with haunted past but is deep down a good guy. Renamed to 'Lars'

Serwe - Already perfect, no changes.

Achamian - Crazy sorcerer who gets into all sorts of goofy hijinks.

5) Cover art. TEXT! Whatever possesed you to put strange text on the cover? No, you need a handsome Kellhus holding his sword into the sky while various sexy women grovel at his feet. Perhaps there should be an evil figure in the backround.

I really should be you editor. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> view post


Advice that works for incredibly successful authors! posted 11 June 2005 in Author Q &amp; AAdvice that works for incredibly successful authors! by Super Frog, Candidate

Quote: &quot;Tol h'Eddes&quot;:259zyh7w


Something like this?
Oh and the evil figure is symbolized by the eyes in the shadow ![/quote:259zyh7w]

That was hilariously awesome; I had no idea that existed. Actually, it may even be better than my idea (look where the sword is placed).
Quote: &quot;diarmuid&quot;:259zyh7w

the hero needs a sidekick...preferablly a talking monkey named Goober but i don't want to curb your artistic expression too much, so... [/quote:259zyh7w]

I think the new and improved Cnauir will fill that role nicely. view post


Psukhe vs The Gnosis posted 20 June 2005 in Author Q &amp; APsukhe vs The Gnosis by Super Frog, Candidate

Quote: &quot;Cu'jara Cinmoi&quot;:a3w23z42
All I can say on this topic is one word.

*Mum*

:wink:[/quote:a3w23z42]

Well, luckily for us your prohibition aganist speaking has no effect on how fast you can type - for example on this board. :) view post


What philosopher suits you most? posted 21 June 2005 in Philosophy DiscussionWhat philosopher suits you most? by Super Frog, Candidate

Fools, vote Bng'nab! His Philosophical puissance is as great as his obscurity! view post


Holy war: the ultimate blasphemy posted 21 June 2005 in Philosophy DiscussionHoly war: the ultimate blasphemy by Super Frog, Candidate

Quote: &quot;Ashmael&quot;:vtarv92v
No war could ever be holy.[/quote:vtarv92v]

Why not? The bible is filled with acts of horrific violence, often sanctioned by God himself.

“But they mocked the messengers of God, and despised his words, and misused his prophets, until the wrath of the Lord arose against his people, till there was no remedy. Therefore he brought upon them the king of the Chaldees, who slew their young men with the sword in the house of their sanctuary, and had no compassion upon young man or maiden, old man, or him that stooped for age: he gave them all into his hand” (2 Chronicles 36:16-17). view post


First Word that Comes to Mind posted 21 June 2005 in Off-Topic DiscussionFirst Word that Comes to Mind by Super Frog, Candidate

Floccinaucinihilpilification view post


Tom Cruise assualts Oprah with Scientologist powers posted 04 July 2005 in Off-Topic DiscussionTom Cruise assualts Oprah with Scientologist powers by Super Frog, Candidate

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eXXXtremely Important questions which require answers. posted 26 July 2005 in Author Q &amp; AeXXXtremely Important questions which require answers. by Super Frog, Candidate

1. In reading a lot of fantasy, I have been perplexed by one common thing. In fantasy, an arm is an arm, a foot is a foot, and an eye is an eye, but a penis is almost never a penis. Instead authors come up with a bunch euphemisms; including phallus, spear, sword, rod, sex, etc. What is with this?

2. What is the origin of the "peach" in reference to vagina? Did one of your friends have sex with a peach then told you, "Hey, Scott, this thing is better than my girlfriend!"? Inquiring minds want to know! <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s:) --> view post


eXXXtremely Important questions which require answers. posted 27 July 2005 in Author Q &amp; AeXXXtremely Important questions which require answers. by Super Frog, Candidate

Quote: &quot;target&quot;:3iwecgfd
thread. Anyway, i wouldn't really call phallus a euphamism, isn't it a more technical term? Or classical maybe? Im not sure.

[/quote:3iwecgfd]

Actually, its Latin. view post


eXXXtremely Important questions which require answers. posted 28 July 2005 in Author Q &amp; AeXXXtremely Important questions which require answers. by Super Frog, Candidate

Quote: &quot;Anonymous Coward&quot;:3o9ad9hx
Do you mean to say you seriously don't notice any suggestive visual similarities?[/quote:3o9ad9hx]

Are you suggesting that a peach tastes like a vagina? I highly doubt a vagina has even half the nutrients a peach has. Not to mention that yummy citrus flavor. Any visual similarites are products of your warped mind and imaginary things are quite irrelevant when discussing peaches and vaginas! view post


eXXXtremely Important questions which require answers. posted 07 August 2005 in Author Q &amp; AeXXXtremely Important questions which require answers. by Super Frog, Candidate

Okay, more questions.

1) Do you ever sit in a plush, velvet couch, while cradling a glass of wine in your claw-like fingers and idly stroking a cat?

2) If you could shout one word at God, what would it be? view post


eXXXtremely Important questions which require answers. posted 11 August 2005 in Author Q &amp; AeXXXtremely Important questions which require answers. by Super Frog, Candidate

Quote: &quot;target&quot;:3n5158zv
Super Frog, my friend, you are a genius. [/quote:3n5158zv]

I know, I have a letter from God that says so. God is such a brown noser, I should probably stop talking to him. view post


eXXXtremely Important questions which require answers. posted 17 August 2005 in Author Q &amp; AeXXXtremely Important questions which require answers. by Super Frog, Candidate

Alright, some more questions.

1) If you had to make a cereal, what would it be?

Example: I would make exclamation point cereal because it would be so awesome.

2) Did you know that they made Church confessional boxes to stop Priests from assaulting women who came to confess? (mostly whores) view post


eXXXtremely Important questions which require answers. posted 18 August 2005 in Author Q &amp; AeXXXtremely Important questions which require answers. by Super Frog, Candidate

Quote: &quot;target&quot;:275egjwe
How would and exclamation point cereal work? I can't quite figure it out.

[/quote:275egjwe]

I wondered for the longest time how they put hearts, moons, and clovers into Lucky charms, but then I realized that they were just shaped like moons and not actualy moons. I imagine it would be the same for Exclamation point cereal if they ever make it, which they should. view post


eXXXtremely Important questions which require answers. posted 19 August 2005 in Author Q &amp; AeXXXtremely Important questions which require answers. by Super Frog, Candidate

If someone gets rich off my idea, i'll smite them when I become master of the Universe. Thats "Universe" with a capital 'U' view post


If you don't want to get caught, then refrain from dying. posted 09 September 2005 in Off-Topic DiscussionIf you don't want to get caught, then refrain from dying. by Super Frog, Candidate

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