Three Seas Forum

the archives

dusted off in read-only

  •  

Príncipe de nada Commoner | joined 08 December 2008 | 1 posts


Complaint to author posted 11 March 2009 in General DiscusssionComplaint to author by Príncipe de nada, Commoner

Dear author of the "prince of nothing" trilogy, dear forum users,

I have a complaint to make. I recently had a very long flight. Not knowing what to do with the time, I decided to enhance myself using the meditation technique that was used in Kelhus' training. You all know it.

The logos is without beginning or end. The logos is without beginning or. The logos is without beginning. The logos is without. The logos is. The logos. The.

I decided to adapt the routine to my needs, i.e. only repeat each sentence for an hour instead of for a day, for obvious reasons related to the flight time. I furthermore did not perform this cross-legged, but sitting in the airplane-seat, due to the airplane seat. I timed my meditation so that its conclusion would coincide with the sunrise (I had a window seat) so as to emulate Kelhus' experience as closely as possible. I even consitently ignored the urge to urinate, thus exerting mastery over my bodily functions. Though maybe I should'nt have done that, as Kelhus urinated and defecated freely while meditating. Anyway, I succeeded in carrying out the meditation for 6 hours straight, aside from occasional interruptions of the "apple or orange juice"-kind. I successfully ignored the stewardesses as well as the food they brought me, thus again proving my mastery of my phsical needs.

In reenacting this meditation technique I obviously expected a similar epiphany as Kelhus, leading to a marked improvement in my interpersonal skills, intellect, fighting prowess and general agility, in short: my Kelhus-ness. YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED!

After going through 6 hours of arduous meditation, I felt ... nothing! A week later, my sneaking suspicion had confirmed itself. It doesn't work! It's a total fake! My interpersonal skills stayed at the usual dorky low, I registered no increase in intellect (I could measure this because I was learning portuguese at the time and DID NOT speak it fluently in 4 days, nor could I write songs or construct siege engines), not to speak of fighting prowess and agility. Not even the probability stance worked. I tried to launch myself into it several times and the only time I experienced something even remotely similar was after consuming marihuana. I am not unreasonable. I didn't expect to reach the full range of Kelhus' abilities. But no noticeable improvement whatsoever was too much.

So, I started thinking: "well, ok, obviously Mr. Bakker doesn't know that this technique doesn't work, otherwise he would'nt put it in the book". But then it hit me: "Wait! Mr. Bakker is an intelligent man! He is an almost-doctor of philosophy, he should know that the techniques he is advertising do not work."

I, and I am sure you all agree, find this nothing short of scandalous. I am prepared to start an online-petition to demand a) actually working meditation techniques and b) a higher personal Kellhus-ness.

Thank you all for your support. And what is your position on this Mr. Bakker? view post


  •  

The Three Seas Forum archives are hosted and maintained courtesy of Jack Brown