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Bakker Biography Material Unearthed! posted 11 June 2005 in Off-Topic DiscussionBakker Biography Material Unearthed! by Quinthane, Candidate

Fellow PoNtiffs,

After unearthing the lost (discarded?) transcript from TDTCB, I realized that there’s more to be learned about the PoN story and its author to whom we’ve pledged our allegiance and (test results allowing) a kidney.
I retraced my steps down the path that first led me to the lost transcript. It seems, however, that passwords have been changed and a firewall installed. (I’m not certain if this is due to a recent security breach or if R. Scott is experiencing dead-line induced paranoia. His personal diary makes no mention of it.) The study deepens. Always it deepens.

So, undeterred by these permutations,, I cast about for the shortest path with no security measures and decided to contact some of the people mentioned on the back cover of his books.

A gentleman named Steven Erikson was the first to return my call. Unfortunately, the man’s considerate gesture yielded nothing helpful to my search. Erikson, apparently, has never heard of R. Scott Bakker or his books. I explained the connection several times but nothing seemed to ring a bell for the man. He thanked me for bringing it to his attention and hung up to call his lawyer.

Eventually, I managed to track down and meet with a philosophy major who attended school with Scott and knew him well. A good natured fellow with a noble sense of loyalty regarding his friends, illustrated by his refusal to supply me with any contact information on Scott. I liked him immediately. He stood firm with passionate resolve. He even threatened me with physical violence if I didn’t unhand his wrist and stop bothering him.

So that was funny.

Luckily for us, I was dealing with a philosophy graduate (educated in Tennessee, no less) and was therefore able to Jedi mind-trick the info out of him in a little less than a half hour.
Energized by a little success, I took my leave of the dear fellow having procured Scott’s home address, extensive driving directions to Scott’s front door, and the guy’s car.
(Wanting to reward kindness with kindness, I gave the guy a scribbled drawing I’d done on a Denny’s napkin. Just a rudimentary depiction of one hand clapping inside a box containing a cat that may or may not be dead. He was overwhelmed! Ran off like the wind, waving it about screaming for someone to come over for a look.)

*note to future and fellow researchers: Remember when dealing with philosophy students; they’re more afraid of you than you are of them. Gentle, firm, tones, use slow non-faith based movements and gestures. Generosity is usually the shortest path. Agreeing to pay for the pizza gets you nearly all need.*

Uneventful trip to Scott’s house.

Arrived to find Scott and his new bride not in, much to my disappointment, and no sign that suggested they’d return soon. Feeling a bit foolish, I had to remind myself that meeting Scott in person wasn’t the point of my trip. Uncovering insights into the man behind the story was. To truly know the Bakker that came before so that we can all fully appreciate the Bakker that came after, that was my Shimeh. So I shook off my frustration, ignored the meth-hangover and got refocused. Soon the legion within was stilled... the Logos was apprehended...I inhabited the center, occupied the place between the before and the after.
I was Witness.
I was Awake.
I Let myself in through the patio door with a brick.

I won’t go into describing their home except to say that it’s lovely. (I’ll upload the pictures to my website once all six rolls of film are developed.)

Even though I knew it was rude to do so, I simply had to help myself to a change of clothes from their bedroom closet. Forgive me. It was a three day drive with no bathroom stops. What a relief to put on clean, dry clothes that smelled fresh and fit comfortably! It looked like Scott had some nice stuff, too.

But I wasn’t there to sample the rich, buttery flavored life of a well to-do novelist, garnished with hazelnut-infused suburban motifs and encrusted with a subdued wealth and stature. No. My objective was fact finding and research, so as to pay homage to the talent that had erected this iconic suburban Canadian (pardon the redundancy) nest. To do so unobtrusively and with reverence.

Immediately after a quick nap, a shower, a snack, two cocktails, another wardrobe switch, and catching the last episode of Deadwood, I began my research.

I hunted for anything that would give insight to the man behind the books, any understanding of the Bakker that came before so that we could more fully appreciate the Bakker that came after, with no hint of redundancy. The hall closets yielded nothing. Got the same result searching the fridge, the laundry hamper, the mailbox, kitchen cabinets, medicine chests, the neighbor’s mailbox, the liquor cabinet, dresser drawers, the liquor cabinet, and the liquor cabinet.

No luck.

I was hopeful when I located the computer in, what I assume is Scott’s office, but again nothing. The desk was fairly sparse except for a stack of Xeroxed questions from White Lord next to a bottle of TUMS. The computer had a few random emails and one HUGE word document called ‘Triple T’ that was too long to scan but sounded like porn or worse, pro wrestling. I figured Scott’s lovely wife would disapprove of either so I deleted it. (found several backed-up copies, btw. Deleting each one took waaay too long so I went ahead and wiped the hard drive.) It’s for the good of his marri-----


what the-……….hang on, guys….



some kinda commotion going on outside….



Wow.


There’s a lot of cars pulling up with blue flashing lights and guys running around all crouched over…wearing some kinda blue armor and helmets….

Is DragonCon this week?

I wonder if--FUCK! That bullhorn's LOUD!!!


This is distracting.



Terribly sorry, guys. If you will, let me go find out what the story is outside and see if the gentleman with the bullhorn will dial it back a notch.

Hold tight. BRB to tell you the good news of what I found at Casa Bakker! view post


Bakker Biography Material Unearthed! posted 11 June 2005 in Off-Topic DiscussionBakker Biography Material Unearthed! by Deerow, Auditor

lol that was awesome view post


Bakker Biography Material Unearthed! posted 12 June 2005 in Off-Topic DiscussionBakker Biography Material Unearthed! by Quinthane, Candidate

Quote: "Deerow":jcltvqks
lol that was awesome[/quote:jcltvqks]



I appreciate it, Deerow

To be perfectly honest, I've had a pretty strong case of Posting Performance Anxiety about it. It grew in the telling and the audience in my head just loved every thing that got trotted out on stage. Now it's tomorrow and the audience in my head are all watching TiVO and the bit's gone public. It seems my computer's sound system isn't good enough to hear the reactions of those who read it.


I''ve come to know PPA fairly well and if anyone here also suffers from it, know that you're not alone. And you can rest assured that whatever you come up with that strikes you as brilliant and worthy of a mile-long praise thread will sit all alone with nothing but the 0 Replies marker to keep it company.

Then some mindless drivel you slapped up there while tanked (and the next day forgot you even wrote) will give birth to a litter of grinning, laughing emoticons. Or maybe even the coveted ROTF LMAO.



The Absolute is way far away despite drinking many Absolut tonics.

Meanwhile, have at. view post


Bakker Biography Material Unearthed! posted 12 June 2005 in Off-Topic DiscussionBakker Biography Material Unearthed! by Scilvenas, Auditor

Hunter S. Thompson would be proud of that post. Good work. view post


Bakker Biography Material Unearthed! posted 12 June 2005 in Off-Topic DiscussionBakker Biography Material Unearthed! by Kidruhil Lancer, Auditor

ROFL LMAO

Had to give you that one. I swear I bust a gut reading that. If you haven't already, be sure to give Scott a head's up about it on the Q&A board. I'm sure he'd giggle at the very least...

Does Scott giggle?

Hm.

Be sure to find out for us, Quin! Start perfecting your tickle-methods... view post


Bakker Biography Material Unearthed! posted 12 June 2005 in Off-Topic DiscussionBakker Biography Material Unearthed! by diarmuid, Peralogue

i am a student of comedy of all types

i have been since my youth

i have read all of it....finding some good, some maybe not so much, and some the result of smoking to much weed and reading Douglas Adams.

that bit there has left me absolutely speechless

astounding work friend

keep it up until you realize ya ought not to be giving it away for free

thanks

jeff view post


Bakker Biography Material Unearthed! posted 15 June 2005 in Off-Topic DiscussionBakker Biography Material Unearthed! by SymeonHaecceity, Peralogue

You should have used his toothbrush for a personal rectal exam. [url=http://findaperson.canada411.ca/10649/log_feature/search_suggestion/search/Find_Person?firstname=r&city=london&zip=&state_id=ON&name=bakker&firstname_begins_with=1:33jlafx0]Canada 411[/url:33jlafx0] might've been quicker tho! I dunno if that's our R. Scott Bakker but some midnight phonecalls should answer that question! view post


Bakker Biography Material Unearthed! posted 15 June 2005 in Off-Topic DiscussionBakker Biography Material Unearthed! by Deerow, Auditor

God bless the internet. view post


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