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Complaint to author posted 11 March 2009 in General DiscusssionComplaint to author by Príncipe de nada, Commoner

Dear author of the "prince of nothing" trilogy, dear forum users,

I have a complaint to make. I recently had a very long flight. Not knowing what to do with the time, I decided to enhance myself using the meditation technique that was used in Kelhus' training. You all know it.

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I decided to adapt the routine to my needs, i.e. only repeat each sentence for an hour instead of for a day, for obvious reasons related to the flight time. I furthermore did not perform this cross-legged, but sitting in the airplane-seat, due to the airplane seat. I timed my meditation so that its conclusion would coincide with the sunrise (I had a window seat) so as to emulate Kelhus' experience as closely as possible. I even consitently ignored the urge to urinate, thus exerting mastery over my bodily functions. Though maybe I should'nt have done that, as Kelhus urinated and defecated freely while meditating. Anyway, I succeeded in carrying out the meditation for 6 hours straight, aside from occasional interruptions of the "apple or orange juice"-kind. I successfully ignored the stewardesses as well as the food they brought me, thus again proving my mastery of my phsical needs.

In reenacting this meditation technique I obviously expected a similar epiphany as Kelhus, leading to a marked improvement in my interpersonal skills, intellect, fighting prowess and general agility, in short: my Kelhus-ness. YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED!

After going through 6 hours of arduous meditation, I felt ... nothing! A week later, my sneaking suspicion had confirmed itself. It doesn't work! It's a total fake! My interpersonal skills stayed at the usual dorky low, I registered no increase in intellect (I could measure this because I was learning portuguese at the time and DID NOT speak it fluently in 4 days, nor could I write songs or construct siege engines), not to speak of fighting prowess and agility. Not even the probability stance worked. I tried to launch myself into it several times and the only time I experienced something even remotely similar was after consuming marihuana. I am not unreasonable. I didn't expect to reach the full range of Kelhus' abilities. But no noticeable improvement whatsoever was too much.

So, I started thinking: "well, ok, obviously Mr. Bakker doesn't know that this technique doesn't work, otherwise he would'nt put it in the book". But then it hit me: "Wait! Mr. Bakker is an intelligent man! He is an almost-doctor of philosophy, he should know that the techniques he is advertising do not work."

I, and I am sure you all agree, find this nothing short of scandalous. I am prepared to start an online-petition to demand a) actually working meditation techniques and b) a higher personal Kellhus-ness.

Thank you all for your support. And what is your position on this Mr. Bakker? view post


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