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Nicholas Eames Chapter Five posted 14 December 2004 in Member Written WorksNicholas Eames Chapter Five by Andrew, Peralogue

Very good! I have to say, it caught my interest. The only critique - your first 2 sentences. The first sentence is exceedingly verbose. After reading that first sentence, I nearly stopped reading entirely. But i'm glad i didn't! Second sentence also, i would suggest, is a bit too long. But maybe I only thought that given how long the first sentence was.
Besides all that, i have to say the chapter was a heck of a lot better reading than I expected! Oh, one other thing - Obviously i don't know how the story starts, but for a 5th chapter, this felt an awful lot like a first or second chapter... view post


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