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Week One: Replay posted 15 July 2004 in Member Written WorksWeek One: Replay by Wil, Head Moderator

I enjoyed this a lot. It was well written and I thought that it was very interesting to read. I'm not very good at talking about other's work, so I'll just give you my general impressions.

I thought the descriptions in the first paragraph were really good. But the second and third were lacking in detail. I thought the internal dialog was good, but I would have liked to see more physical description of what he was seeing. Description of a scene can say a lot about what a character is feeling, without saying it outright.

There are some paragraphs that I feel could have been expanded on. "The priest only nodded. He knew there was something else Gabe wished to say. " is one of them. It felt like it wanted to go somewhere but it didn't.

I have to get going; I'll try to add more later. Good Job. view post


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