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RipTide posted 09 March 2006 in Member Written WorksRipTide by Cu Roi, Candidate

Thanks for the critique Dawnstorm.

You hit on much that I plan on changing, but also brought to my attention some things I hadn't noticed.

Also, yes the wine dark sea has to go, it's a place holder I threw in to remind myself of what I want to evoke. It was all my tequila soaked brain could conjure at the time. Also, Homer to Ms. Clifton to me. Credit where credit is due. <!-- s;) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- s;) --> My brother was named Aeneas.

I'm going to go back and chip away some more. The biggest challenge was getting this out and written. It has been sitting in the back of my mind for a year. My brother died without knowing how. I keep wondering how he would have understood what happened, if he had any conciousness at all.

So I take it the basic frame of the piece is solid. The staccato beginning and the transiton into death worked? view post


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